Shapiro+K+Wk+13

My VSP Revision

My peer reviews indicate that I am on the right track, but I need to get into my idea more. My message was interpreted slightly differently than I intended, both reviewers though I was trying to represent that we all use and love music in a variety of different ways. I was trying to say this absolutely, but I wanted to use that idea as a jumping off point for my argument that music also acts on us (as opposed to us acting on it via the different ways we use it) by supplying us with a medium for identity creation and expression. The biggest criticism that I got about my message was what is the point/ what's new in what I am saying. I wish to address this by trying to emphasize that it is music has the power to act through us when we use it to create and express our identities through our adoption of characteristics. I am not fully sure as of yet how I will really get this across in my prezi, however I think I will be able to support this through a rhetorical analysis of my idea using some ideas from Ramage. I am switching my process around a little for this revision and I think I am going to write out all my theory first and hopefully, from that, it will become clear how I can translate it better into my VSP. Seeing other people's VSPs has definitely been beneficial in helping my construct mine by understanding the role of the audience. I think now I will be better able to recognize when things might not translate the way I want them to when I present.

VSP Presentation Reviews

Argument was very clear with the VSP speaking alone. Organized well to start with more basic concepts moving gradually into more complex ideals/ethics/values. Defamiliarized these acts for the audience by presenting the destructor's point of view.
 * Justin Taylor**

The only/sometimes/rarely aspect was interesting, but it could have been worked in better into the VSP; it was very unclear what that idea was referencing until it was explained.

I like the idea posed about life being an illusion until something wakes you up and forces you to face reality which causes a choice to be made on how to act in this new state.
 * Nicole Wang**

I felt that the focus of your argument was on the choices you make once 'waking up'. For me, the poem felt connected only to the idea of life being an illusion and presenting a waking moment. I wish the poem had been more visually related to the choices, I sometimes got lost what I was supposed to be interpreting.

I liked the way you used the prezi to help your story by using the same images for the leaving vs. returning idea. It was interesting to see how the same images can have entirely different meanings based on the text as context.
 * Brandon Tarby**

I wish you had used your own pictures instead of using ones offline. It would have been more consistent if the main character didn't change.

I think your prezi was really effective in explaining your argument, presenting the readymades then challenging them through the following images and commentary.I also liked how much you rhetorically explained the images themselves. There was a lot of interesting interpretation that really adds to your argument.
 * Amanda Charles**

With your interesting back story on why you chose this topic, I wish that had been explored more specifically than just these few readymades relevant to us.

I like the connections you made with the theorists, Sontag in particulatr. I saw the connection when you first went through the VSP before you even explained it.I also like how much you thought about the organization of the Prezi, it really enhances the story/message.
 * Rachel Ward**

I see you used a few different colors in the text, I wish there had been an obvious significance for this because it was a little distracting with the color changes.

I like the subtlety in your presentation, such as the b&w vs color photographs. These slight manipulations make a big difference in interpretation and it goes well with your advertisement theme.
 * Jason Frey**

I think it could have been a little more unique, I have seen countless diet project ads that follow that exact format, I might even consider it the standard infomercial format. As an audience member, this format automatically would make me skeptical about your arguments based on associations I have with the quality of infomercial products

I like how you present your argument through juxtaposition of your day through how bad it could be. That definitely got me to think about my typical day and how this is relevant to me.
 * Jessica Allebach**

Maybe play with your arrow metaphor you should cherish the whole thing visual message more. I thought it was really neat when you explained it but I didn't understand the significance when you initially went through the prezi.